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Some days I genuinely believe world peace could start with one simple thing:

Stop being an asshole to the people you say you love.

Wild concept, I know.
We need a mass movement for basic decency — not just in politics or online debates, but in the tiny, boring, everyday moments where we either repeat patterns or finally grow the hell up.

Healing Inner Wounds… While My Brain Is on 41 Tabs

I’m AuDHD, which basically means my brain is:

• Overthinking,
• Under-functioning,
• And emotionally downloading the entire internet at 3 a.m. when I wake up like clockwork every morning

For a long time, every conflict felt like:

• Proof I was too much
• Or proof the other person was trash. Or lying. Or leaving.

No middle ground. Just:

• “I’m the problem, it’s me,”
  or
• “You’re the villain and I hope you step on a Lego forever.”

Healing has looked more like:

• Pausing instead of rage-texting.
• Looking at old situations with fresh eyes
• Realizing, “Oh damn, I was hurting too,” or “ My needs mattered”
• And letting go of the need to assign a permanent villain.

It’s not glamorous. It’s me crying on the kitchen floor, then later saying, “Okay, that was a lot. But what was actually going on for both of us?”

Letting Go of Blame (Unfortunately)

I used to hoard blame like it was my emotional retirement plan.

If I could prove someone was wrong-wrong, I felt safer. My pain felt justified.
But blame is heavy as hell to carry.

I’ve started doing this annoying adult thing where I:

• Thank people (in my head… mostly) for the experiences
• Notice how much I’ve grown,
• Admit where I also messed up,
• And try repair instead of silent resentment.

Do I enjoy this? Absolutely not.
Does it work? Annoyingly, yes.

The “It’s Not My Job to Educate You” Thing

Okay, hot take time.

In dating and relationships, that phrase
“It’s not my job to educate you” …. I hate it. Truly. It makes me want to throw a decorative pillow at a wall.

Is it emotionally laborious to explain your triggers, needs, trauma, identity, AuDHD brain, etc.?
Yes.

Is it unfair that you have to explain it instead of everyone just magically getting it?
Also yes.

Is it avoidable?
Absolutely not.

If you’re in a relationship with someone, guess what:

• You are literally co-writing the user manual for being around each other.
• You’re going to have to educate each other.
• Repeatedly.
• While tired. And dysregulated. And hungry. 😅

Telling a partner “it’s not my job to educate you” is like saying:

“I want intimacy, but only if you read my mind, pass a vibe test, and magically know my trauma history.”

No. We are grown.
If we want different patterns, we have to help each other learn different patterns. Remember, some of us didn’t have great parents… and don’t have stable secure friends to teach them HOW they need to learn. While we are responsible for our behavior, on paper is different than experience.

Watching Conflict Repair in Real Time

One of the wildest, most healing experiences of my life has been seeing conflict repair happen in real time with people who actually give a shit.

Like:

Old pattern:

• I spiral, shut down, or get sharp.
• They get defensive.
• We both go into silent-movie mode.
• Everyone is low-key dying inside.

New pattern (with people who actually accept me in every mood, every season):

• Me: “Okay, my AuDHD brain is going 0–100. I’m feeling overwhelmed and my rejection sensitivity is doing parkour.”
• Them: “Got it. Do you need space, a snack, or a hug?”
• Me: cries, laughs, both “Yes.”

We:

• Name what’s happening,
• Own our shit
• Try again. Or as I’ve realized I’ve always called it. A Redo. Or a Reset.
• Learn repair instead of pretending nothing happened.

That’s basic decency in action. Not perfection. Not never messing up.
Just: “I care enough to stay, listen, and try to do better.”

The People Who Stay Through Every Season

Honestly, the biggest plot twist of my life has been this:

People exist who can handle me in every mood, every season, every version of my AuDHD chaos.

And not just “tolerate” me.
Actually like me. Actually work with my brain instead of against it.

People who:

• Don’t shame me for needing extra context or repetition,
• Laugh with me when my brain derails mid-sentence,
• Stay curious in conflict instead of going straight to character assassination,
• Can hear “that hurt me” without collapsing or attacking.

That kind of person is proof that basic decency is not some abstract dream.
It’s literally built conversation by conversation, repair by repair.

Grow Up. Help Break Patterns.

So yeah:

• Is it work to explain your needs? Do you sometimes have to repeat yourself?
• Is it work to listen when someone explains theirs? Or understand HOW yo implement them?
• Is it work to not be a defensive gremlin every time you’re called in?

Yes.
All of it is work.

But if we want different lives than the ones we grew up watching —
different relationships, different patterns, different endings —
then the work is not optional.

We need a mass movement for basic decency.
Not just in the world “out there,” but in how we love, fight, apologize, and repair “in here.”

Grow up.
Help break patterns.
That’s the revolution. 🖤

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