Swipe Left On Perfection

Yesterday was a masterclass in what it feels like to be fully integrated. It was the happiest, most whole, and most aligned I have ever felt. But the beauty of being a “Fiber Optic Tornado” is that even a tornado needs a ground wire. Mine was holding the tickets for Taylor and Christian. And convincing myself to go. Listening to my intuition. My whole body. And making the choices I did throughout the night. In full truth.

The Contrast of the Calibration

To appreciate the stillness I felt yesterday, I have to look back at December. I saw the man I had been in love with and had a very unpleasant split from, and my body, (my honest, neurodivergent, highly-tuned body) gave me a “Hard No.” The moment he entered my field of vision, I felt a visceral surge of anxiety. I was able to center myself then and observe him as the stranger he was. He looked happy and I was happy then but still hurting. I was having dreams telling me he was dating and having moved on. It was a physical lockout. My nervous system wasn’t ready to bridge the gap yet because the work was still “in progress.” I had the intention of repair, but not the internal foundation to execute it without cracking.

But yesterday? The calibration was complete.

I saw him with his new girlfriend, talking in a group, and the anxiety didn’t come. Only a feeling in my chest that told me to speak that truth. It was time. Instead, there was a quiet, direct clarity. Some where along the timeline, I was no longer mad. I learned that loving someone WAS letting them go to make their own choices.

I chose to say hello. I kept it short, 5 mins tops, concise, and intentional. The start of the show offered an easy break for all of us. Though the topic was slightly deep, I didn’t want to go too much into specifics and I wanted to respect his boundaries and consent.

MY integrity runs that deep to make that change. I spoke just enough to tell him I had always heard him, valued the things he told me, and used them to make progress. It’s not a matter of learning “Too late”. It happened. It may not have been instant but it was right on time. As it should be.

I didn’t need a grand reconciliation; he doesn’t owe me anything. I just needed to release a “Thank You” into the atmosphere. That relationship was a fire that burned away my old versions, and the person I am now, the one with the changed behavior and the unshakable integrity I possess was forged in that heat. I told him, AND his girlfriend, I was happy for them, and I meant it with my entire chest. All love.

No agenda. No secrets. Just the relief of a debt settled and a soul released.

The Anchor of the Inner Circle

I arrived fifteen minutes early because I was the keeper of the tickets. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere I’m sure. YA know, holding the entry point for the people who truly see you.

Taylor and Christian aren’t just friends; they are my emotional and physical proximity anchors. They are the ones who have stood by me through the messy cycles of growth and the long, slow work of repair. In a world that often feels disposable, having people who accept you exactly as you are while also challenging you to be better is the ultimate luxury. I do NOT take that for granted.

Taylor is a force of nature. She tells me she’s learned a lot from meeting me, but watching her become more and more of a badass as time goes on is one of my favorite things to witness. Her energy is a mirror of what’s possible when you stop apologizing for your power. I love the way we grow through experience together. They are “my people”—the ones who take care of their own.

The Physics of the Dance Floor

Once the ghosts were greeted and the tribe was gathered, the “tornado” took over.

I took up space. I didn’t shrink. I didn’t hide. I brought my fitness, my jump-rope discipline, and my “shaking ass” joy to every corner of that room. When a stranger tried to disrupt my frequency by kissing my neck without an invite, I didn’t spiral into people-pleasing or awkwardness. I gave him the “tisk-tisk” finger, reclaimed my boundary, and spun away. My peace was a fortress.

The Cuddly Magnetism of the Baseline

Then there was Rob. Rob is a massive, cuddly mountain of a human who became a walking beacon of safety. I gave him my very first perler, a neon “HUG ME” sign, and we watched the frequencies shift in real-time. We met so many people through that sign. It’s proof that when you operate from a baseline of goodness and authenticity, you don’t have to seek out connections; you become a magnet for them.

The Bonus and the Gift

I’ve realized that I am no longer living for the “next thing.” I have everything I truly need in the people who stand next to me and the integrity I carry within me.

Repair. Actual true, lived-out repair, is the highest form of self-love. To be able to say “thank you for the pain that changed me” and walk away with a light heart instead of bitterness is a superpower. It helped me learn boundaries, and recognizing others’, and how to speak my wants and needs clearly, and unmask. I learned to truth my intuition when it was proved correct. The world is in a terrible state, but inside the circle of people who take care of their own, the light is still on. Everything else—the music, the play, the connection—is just a beautiful, glittering bonus.

May we all find the tribe that lets us be our loudest, most authentic selves. May we have the courage to offer the apologies we’ve earned. And may we always remember to take up every inch of space we deserve.